Participation Trophy

You know what's kinda funny?

When a city, town, news channel, celebrates an old person reaching an old age.

"Congratulations to Dillis Filiburton on their 103rd birthday!!!"

I don't know enough about it to know whether they get a plaque, award, or something.

But I do know it sometimes comes with camera crews, handshakes and smiles from well(ish) dressed strangers.

Eww.

And I wonder:

Who decides who to celebrate?

Do these folks promote themselves?

"Hello, Channel 4? Yeah, it's Dillis again...Yup, still kicking...ok, 10 a.m. Wednesday it is."

Family?

Mother mother won't die.

Do these places have a ledger of old folks?

We got 43, no 42, to choose from.

But it's got me to thinking.

You used to get a nice watch for working at a company for XX years and retiring.

⌚

And Apple gives you a 10 pound block of aluminum if you make it a decade.

Other metals every additional decade.

But getting celebrated.

For still being alive.

After all these years.

I think that's pretty cool, right?

I mean, nobody's doing backflips at these things.

Especially the person being celebrated.

But I mean, talk about a lifetime achievement award, am I right?

Celebrating Dillis for a lifetime of...existing...over a century!

Woah, that's a lot of lifetime.

These mother mothers know how to play the long game.

And so here's what I'll promise you, dear reader.

If they ever decide to celebrate my arse for making it to triple digits, I'm going.

And I'm going to enter that room like I'm main eventing WrestleMania 123.

In a steel cage!!!

This gives me sufficient time to learn how to do a backflip.

Or die trying.

🏆

Sirius by the The Alan Parsons Project starts to play. And yes, you get goosebumps.

And no, it's not an homage to the 90s Bulls. Well, not solely. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat used it first. So it's a homage to all those badmfs. Even Alan Parsons, whoever he is. Dig his projects, though. Well, at least the one.