Ah Me

Would you rather:

Live half a life but live to 100?

Or live twice a life but only to 50?

I used to think the latter. 

Not even close.

This was before I started a family.

Before I had a little girl.

When I was at my sickest, my wife wanted me to write something for my daughter.

When we all weren't sure if I'd make it.

And, if you know anything about me, you should know I wrote a book for my wife and son. But this was all before my little girl came into the world.

And when you have a son, well that is a dream come true.

That boy is our spirit.

But then my daughter appears.

And she is our soul.

She completes our family.

I know now why fathers of daughters wear "Girl Dad" branding.

And so I tried to write something for her.

Just for her.

Many times.

I sit down.

A goodbye note.

A letter of love from her dad.

But I never could.

It was just too much.

I pray in the end, if God agrees, that if I can live half a life so that I can live to 100, or at least to watch her grow up, it's a fine deal.

No question about it.

To watch them all grow.

To see them each iterating to their own actualization.

It's not about me anymore, and I suppose it never has been.

My letter to my daughter will be in the form of my presence.

I will be my letter.

She thinks leaving her is when I go to a different floor of our home.

This is the extent of how I wish she defines it.

May she never know that word truly.

Just that I'm on a different floor.

To the best girl,

Daddy loves you so much I cannot put it into words.

I don't have them.

I will just have to show you.

For the rest of my life.

And ever after.

The Luckiest Father,

Yours 

PS: I am just downstairs, Ahmlette. Typing my musings column. Be right up, love.

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